i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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