My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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