Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
