So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
