then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
