I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
