yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
