member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
