with your own penis?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
