my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
