you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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