i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
