i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
