I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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