Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
