the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
