Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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