I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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