You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
