A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I want is dick and wine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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