my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
