There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
