You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
