That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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