I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
