If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
