Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
