I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So much Jack, so little girl.
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