I want to have your abortion
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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