I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
