Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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