It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
