I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have aggressive nipples.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
