so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
