Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
