i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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