Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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