it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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