he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
