i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
