It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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