She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
