someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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