I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
