i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
