look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
