I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
