You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
