stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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