He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
